Wow, this feels like 2008, which is about the last time I blogged about anything. I’m pretty sure my last focus was the Obama-McCain election, before politics became another round of Call of Duty. But I digress.
Why did I start this blog? I couldn’t answer that if I tried, except for the fact that I love to write and I have a notorious streak of dark humor. Call it a trauma response, call it millenial fatigue, or whatever, but this humor has gotten me through some pretty dark times in my life, and I figured that there’s enough sad-and-yet-hopeful posts about infertility in the world. This blog isn’t about that; this is real, in the thick of it, with all the roller coaster of emotions that life and Letrozole have to offer.
I suppose we should start with introductions, and bear in mind, this post is going to have a lot less levity then future ones. My name is Chana. I’ve been happily married for 2.5 years. I’ve also been infertile for 11. How do I know that? Well, that came with the PCOS diagnosis at age 17, which didn’t fully sink in until I sat across from the man who would be my husband, took a deep breath and made a confession:
“Having kids is going to be a challenge”
That is not exactly what you want to hear in the most kid-centric community in the world.
This is about when I should mention that I’m an Orthodox Jew. The average amount of kids in Orthodox circles runs around 7 kids per family. Both my husband and I are only children, which is unusual in itself, but most of our friends grew up in small armies and are now producing additional ranks in droves. I wanted him to know what he was getting into. Luckily he wasn’t fazed.
Probably because he really, really didn’t know what he was getting into. Even I didn’t know. But oh boy, do we know now. At this point, it’s been 2 years and 4 failed treatments, lots of tears, frustrations, and terrible jokes. The emotional rollercoaster could rival Kingda Ka, and, in lieu of therapy, I’ve decided that If I’m going through it, y’all are going through it with me. (Disclaimer: that is a joke, I love my therapist, please don’t bring this up in the next session X-D)
I suppose I do have an answer to why I started this blog: because the infertility world could easily be a stand-up comedy routine if it wasn’t so painful. The list of patently ridiculous things I’ve cried over could be its own routine. However, I work too many long hours and don’t have the time or patience to put together a decent stand-up routine. Therefore, the ramblings of the blogosphere will have to suffice. This blog is also dedicated to my other Orthodox infertility warriors, past and present (if you see this, you know who you are). If we don’t laugh, we’ll cry, and honestly, the hormones cause enough of that.
B’Teavon!
Frum, Funny and Infertile 